January 28th 2023

Dear Diary:

I believe I'm a good person. 

You know, I think that there's good in everyone, 

but—

here we are! First day of senior year!

 And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life, and I ask myself—what happened?

 

So sorry about that. When thinking about an opening for a post about senior year, Heathers was all I could think about. I'm in my last semester of college at Pace University, something that feels insane to say. I've always dreamed about this school, this program, and now it's almost over, and I'm a mix of sad and very excited. The International Performance Ensemble/BA Acting program has been the most incredible learning experience I've experienced. We learned how to imitate newspapers, trees, and a subway car. We've learned how to do dive rolls, weight shares, and how play like we're children again. We've embarrassed ourselves, looked our worst, and went through Covid together our freshman year.
The other day I was preparing for a rehearsal, playing a great song I had just found, and it hit me that I had achieved my younger self's dreams. Pace was my only college choice since my first year of high school. I only auditioned for two schools, two programs at each, a choice that anyone in theatre will tell you is very, very dumb. You should audition for every school, and every program, to have the chance to maybe get into one. But against all that advice, I did what I did because I knew I wouldn't be happy anywhere else. And as insanely stressful as it was, I succeeded. 
I have had a crazy, unpredictable four years, with Covid throwing the biggest wrench in the mix. One and a half semesters entirely on zoom, two with masks and face shields and distanced. Senior year was the start of being unmasked, close together, and touching each other in class again. It feels fantastic to be back where we should be. Most days, I'm so happy to be back to it that I don't think about the years of zooms and chaos. However, looking back at my college experience, it is devasting to think about what could have been. What I could have learned in acting class if my professors had been able to see my face, or how I could have connected with my classmates if we had been able to hang out after class. 
When I dreamed about college as my middle and high school self, I never could've imagined what I have now achieved. I am graduating with a GPA I didn't know I was capable of; I made friends, I had a ton of fun, and I'm creating a show I would've been too scared to touch a few years ago with an ease that now comes naturally to me. I am living in a great apartment with my partner of 3 years (who I met thanks to my college program requirements) and our two cats, who always run to greet me when I come home. I'm learning to be an adult and am so excited to see what post-college life brings.